Monday afternoon, friends and I are trolling about Brooklyn looking for a post office to check out. Standard. We happen upon this little gem. On the outside, it looks nothing special. American flag, engraved motto, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat” yadda yadda yadda (Bing “Seinfeld” if you don’t get the reference) heard it all before. We’re a tough bunch to impress, but once we were inside, one word:

“Woah.” (Neo, “The Matrix”)

This place was seriously popping. Eight teller windows, gorgeous gold-plated pens, tons of envelopes, sick Rolling Stones track (“Start Me Up”) blasting from the radio. We eagerly got in the huge line and scoped out the VIPs. Standard Williamsburg crowd, hip kids from all around chilling with their air mail envelopes and PostSecret cards. I peeped Barry (homeless dude, kind of a big shot around the postal scene) catching a snooze over by the P.O. boxes, so I knew this place was fresh.

After a long wait, we made it to the front of the line. Our post officer Linda was a super hot babe. Jim ran some sick pick-up artist lines on her (he couldn’t do kino because of the plastic partition, but he complimented her uniform and asked if she made it herself) while I gave the pen a test drive. Smooth as an heroic dog’s fur. Terry put five bucks into the stamp machine and browsed the selection: a ton of classic stuff, including a pretty obscure Helen Keller 5 cent.

Jim got Linda’s supervisor’s digits (it was a dude, but that’s cool because we’re all bi) while I sneaked out a pen (word to the wise: if you want to up your postal game, check out Skrillatelist420’s WikiHow guide on removing attached pens). Honestly, I can’t sing this post office’s praises enough. Easily one of the top twelve post offices in the Big Apple. Next time you find yourself in Billyburg looking for quick package fix, make this stop numero uno (“number one”).

(Click here to read more Yelp reviews of post offices)