My pal Terry and I were taking an impromptu road trip to the envelope museum in Bakersfield to take our minds off our failed marriages when we stopped into this Subway location because we had just watched “Happy Gilmore” on Terry’s PSPVita and both of us were subbing fierce. The two of us had been to many Subway sandwich shops in multiple countries of the course of our rich lives, and never had we experienced such awful service.
We walked in the door and were immediately treated to loud animal yells over the radio. Some kid mopping up a puddle of Fanta told us it’s the only station they get on the radio, which I know was a lie because after we left we tuned in to Mike Huckabee’s folksy wit and wisdom on the AM dial. One of the sandwich artists, “Kanye,” was wearing sunglasses and dancing to the awful animal noises. The other was very obviously two children in a large overcoat pretending to be an adult. Terry ordered two twelve inch meatball subs while I tried communicate over the screams that I wanted an egg sub. I told Kanye I didn’t want anything else on it, but he whispered “YOLO dude” and smirked at me then put handful after handful of olives on my sub. When I complained to the manager, the manager said “you boys must not be from around here” and forced us to pay for the ruined subs and eat them. He also stole Terry’s GOURMET mustard he bought in Branson, MO and threw it in the trash and said we had to eat the awful Subway-brand mustard. He dumped the Subway mustard all over our subs and said we couldn’t leave until we ate the whole thing. He stood over our table with his arms crossed making disrespectful remarks like “eat it up” and “yum yum so good.” I told Terry we shouldn’t give him the satisfaction of seeing us cry, but that advice was too hard to live by. After we were done we hightailed it on out of there.
I don’t know what these other reviewers are talking about, but there are no “good times and lots of smiles” to be had at this awful Subway. It took literally hours of hugging to soothe our shaken nerves. My advice to the hungry traveler: if you want a great sub then get out of the “way” of this store and instead head over to the United States post office on Buenaventura Avenue, which has delicious pastrami sandwiches and two for one margaritas on Tuesdays.
(Click here to read more Yelp reviews of post offices)